


once the dam broke, it was a flood

by Mother_North



Series: Yuzuhei [2]
Category: Baseball RPF, Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Emotional, Established Relationship, Insecurity, M/M, Psychology, Secret Relationship, Shower Kissing, soft, yuzuhei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 17:06:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17450918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: Yuzuru and Shohei go to the skating-rink with unforeseen consequences and a heart-to-heart talk in a shower stall ensues.





	once the dam broke, it was a flood

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another portion of Yuzuhei.
> 
> RPF disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and it is not meant to offend anyone. It is a product of author’s imagination only. All thoughts, actions and emotions described below have nothing to do with reality.

**

 

His palms were sweating profusely and he felt his cheeks flushing up with embarrassment. At such early hour (approximately five o’clock in the morning) the skating-rink was at their complete disposal, except for several people of maintenance stuff. Nothing to be bothered about because they had signed a gag order and there was no way the information about their visit would spread. Still, he felt his heart beating violently somewhere in his throat and he couldn’t remember when the last time he got this nervous occurred — ridiculous to say the least.

“ _..But Shohei-kun! Please…”_

The blasted, seemingly harmless breathless _please_ once again made all of his resistance crumble to dust. And now he found himself at the side of the skating-rink at this early hour, his knees shaking and armpit area of his thick sweatshirt visibly darkened. He was glad there were no mirrors for he could only imagine what a comical sight he must have been at the moment.

Shohei took a deep breath and was on the verge of taking his skating boots off, wanting nothing more than to get away from here as soon as possible. He had told his stubborn lover numerous times that he was made for walking on the ground; he was actually friends with gravity unlike certain _Yuzuru Hanyu_ who looked mesmerizing once his blades touched the white smooth surface.

 _The otherworldly creature_ was chirping excitedly, words echoing off the ceiling of the spacious, deserted ice-rink.

“You’ll see you’ll like it! I promise!”

Shohei seriously doubted it. He felt like a Goliath walking the thinnest rope, his limbs clumsy and balance really hard to maintain. Yuzuru knew how to pull his strings, he asked and Shohei used to agree, used to do what was asked of him. He liked seeing Yuzuru’s enticing eyes light up and it seemed like an infinitesimal sacrifice to make it happen.

Delicate fingers took his hand with reassuring force and he looked down to see Yuzuru’s svelte figure at his side, clad in traditional black attire, his whole countenance beaming. He squeezed the small palm in return.

“Don’t be afraid! I am with you.”

Shohei gulped, thinking that there is no way Yuzuru would hold him up in case he loses his balance. His right hand was glued to the boards all of the time, body strained and legs stiffened. He was clutching Yuzuru’s palm with a deadly grip, air leaving his mouth in small humid puffs. He had a wild thought that the blades of his skating boots were going to snap beneath him any time now.

Yuzuru smirked, trying to make his voice sound soothing.

“Don’t panic! Just trust me.”

Shohei narrowed his dark eyes, huffing.

“You owe me a compensation for all of this and you’d better start thinking what it might be right about now!”

It came out half-jokingly instead of menacing, the timbre of his rich voice warm. Yuzuru winked at him in the most adorable manner and sprinted away in the blink of an eye, Shohei finding himself practically in the middle of the skating rink alone and totally helpless. Chasing Yuzuru was out of question and he tried waving his hands at the little minx, he even shook his fist but to no avail. Yuzuru was skating in circles around him while remaining always out of his reach, a mischievous gleam in his eyes daunting Shohei, making him boil inside.

He sent his own fear to Hell, fighting the tightness in his chest.

“I’ll _fucking_ get you, Yuzu-kun!”

Shohei swore rarely but he thought now was a very fitting occasion. He made several clumsy pushes, trying to shift his weight from one foot to the other, his efforts doomed from the very start. In almost no time he was sprawled on the hard ice facedown, cold seeping through his humid clothes unpleasantly. The pain wasn’t severe but there will be a bruising on his right knee cap and his palms appeared to be scratched, due to taking the main impact of the fall. Although his wounded pride stung the most as he turned to sit on his butt, wincing slightly.

Yuzuru stopped beside him, covering sleeves of Shohei’s sweatshirt with a fountain of ice shavings from under his sharp blades.

“You look like a giant pouty child!”

If not for the two impossibly adorable dimples on his cheeks Shohei would definitely have him killed. Yuzuru was laughing shamelessly amused and his palm felt soft on his shoulder, warmth seeping even through his clothes, reaching Shohei’s chest.

“You still have much to learn, Shohei-kun!”

Shohei couldn’t think of anything except of sweet revenge (no matter how pitiful it may seem) and he was positively sure Yuzuru deserved some of the retaliation. He seized Yuzuru by his outstretched arm, pulling with all of his might. Yuzuru gasped audibly, his balance lost, his delicate form now lying on top of Shohei’s sturdy body. Yuzuru didn’t have proper time to react as he felt strong fingers squeeze his protruding ribs through layers of his training uniform. He hated tickling and he tried to make peace by proposing to buy Shohei’s favorite ice -cream, the big man finally letting him go after a round of playful tussle where Yuzuru had to admit his ultimate defeat.

Yuzuru decided to stay at the rink for a bit longer, planning to work on some of the jumps and spins. He urged Shohei to watch a succession of three triple axels sandwiched between two beautiful spread eagles before waving him off, signaling he was free to go to the changing room.

Shohei clapped enthusiastically, his voice brimming with admiration as he cried out before leaving the rink site:

“ _K_ _akkoii_ _!_ ”*

Shohei took off his clothes, wanting nothing more than to feel hot water beating down on his neck and shoulders; his knee was aching dully making him furrow his brow in discomfort. He walked into the shower stall, the monotone murmur of water calming his nerves. He closed his eyes, images of Yuzuru gliding effortlessly across the ice still vivid in front of his mind’s eye. Shohei thought he looked like a black arrow charged and shot towards its aim — ever elegant and graceful, flying unstoppably. Watching Yuzuru skate took Shohei’s breath away every single time. He realized full well how important it was for Yuzuru: his reason to live, his special mission to accomplish.

Shohei knew there were harsh falls, wild ups and crazy downs. He knew how Yuzuru’s happy laughter sounded and he saw his tears numerous times. He liked to think Yuzuru needed him, his caring embrace and patient smile, the protective touch of his strong arms — to be pampered and cradled, to be worshipped and adored. Shohei wanted to be near when Yuzuru found himself trapped inside the cage of his inner insecurities, fighting his demons of being _not good enough_ , his voice laced with frustration and self-accusatory venom. Shohei shuddered form the thought that he _liked_ Yuzuru the most at such revelatory moments: vulnerable and bursting with frustration and raw emotions.

 _Kuyashii Yuzu_ _being his most favorite._

It felt awfully egoistical and perhaps plain wrong but he couldn’t help but thrive on being needed, on being the one to cause his lover’s dependence. Yuzuru ached for his touch then: arms clinging to his neck, lips finding his ear to whisper entreaties hotly:

_“Love me…Love me, please, Shohei-kun…”_

Shohei often felt his word ready to crumble, everything else ceasing to exist except for that pair of greedy lips and arms. Yuzuru liked to leave obscene marks all over his body — testimonies of their clandestine meetings and their illicit passion. Shohei would stand in front of a mirror, his trembling fingers ghosting over half-moons left by short nails and violet love bites adorning his neck, while feeling helplessly intoxicated, his mind in a constant haze of desire the mere thought of _him_ evoked.

 But was he ever _truly_ _his_ , in the first place?

Shohei often whispered the question into his moist dark hair; he cherished the quiet moments they shared but he wanted to hear those special words spoken aloud.

“Do you love me?”

Yuzuru blinked several times, turning away from Shohei — his face hidden in the crumpled sheets or he would simply kiss him with such wild abandon Shohei couldn’t think straight anymore, lusty fog enveloping his senses. He wanted to hear those words yet dreading that there would be only silence hanging in the air between them like a death sentence instead of an answer.

“Say, do you love me?”

Yuzuru would catch his lips, eyes unreadable and hypnotizing. He would suck his breath, his life and sanity out of him with each smoldering kiss, tongue invading his mouth in ferocious onslaught. Shohei’s stubborn desire for verbal declaration on Yuzuru’s part lulled for a time being but never extinguished completely.

_Lips like sakura petals and misty black eyes; he could trade his very soul for him and him alone._

Scorching water made Shohei’s skin grow numb. He screwed up his eyes, muscles refusing to relax as he felt a pair of thin arms sliding from behind around his midriff. Yuzuru left open-mouth kisses between his shoulder blades, tasting wet skin, sensing Shohei’s body responding to his knowing touch immediately.

“Sorry…I was behaving like a spoiled brat there at the rink. You didn’t deserve it. I just wanted to see you splattered on the ice, simply couldn’t help myself… Such a big man with his hands and feet helplessly in the air…I don’t think I’ll ever forget the picture! ”

Yuzuru’s half-choked laughter was muffled against Shohei’s back and he wanted to turn around and smack this little bastard against the shower stall wall to kiss him senseless. Instead, he summoned his will and remained stoic. Shohei shook his head.

“You are irreparable, Yuzu-kun…”

There was no trace of reprimand in his tone and the proximity of Yuzuru’s naked body was sending jolts of electricity through him, making Shohei shiver from head to toe. He brought Yuzuru’s slim fingers to his mouth to kiss feverishly.

“But I need you so much.”

Yuzuru withdrew his hand, moving to stand before Shohei, his small face looking up to meet the taller man’s gaze.

_“Say it again.”_

Shohei grabbed fragile body into his arms with frightening force, lips sliding across refined collarbone, tongue catching droplets of water on the pale skin. He wanted _to scream_ about his feelings, a tsunami of overwhelming want and poignant need ready to overthrow his rationality. But he yearned to hear Yuzuru spill those words first.

“Do you love me?”

A damned question leaving his lips once again before he could stop himself; he felt Yuzuru going rigid in his tight embrace immediately. Yuzuru’s eyes darkened and his face contorted in irritation. Shohei wasn’t prepared for the following reaction.

“And do _they_ love me? Do _they_ need me? Will _they_ forget me when I am done? Tell me, tell me! _They_ want me to be theirs, _they_ don’t want to share! Do you understand, Shohei-kun? I have to be alone, I belong to no one and I belong to the whole world…”

He chuckled bitterly, eyes shining and full of emotion.

“I love ice! I live for skating… _It is my life_. You are part of my life too, but I’ll never be able to say it aloud for everyone to hear!”  

Shohei took Yuzuru’s flushed face between his broad palms: pointy eyelashes wet, salty tears being washed away by the running water. Yuzuru seemingly couldn’t stop, _words_ — an unstoppable torrent, the dam of guarded emotions finally broken.

Shohei knew he needed to let Yuzuru had his say even if he would end up heartbroken, even if he was aching to interrupt this torturous monologue of his.

“What will happen when I lose my footing? When I stumble and fall down? When the perfect mask shatters? Will _they_ love me then? I have to be strong and brave and immaculate…Have to be perfect… _Perfect_ …Only then _they’l_ l love me and you…you… ”

“ _I love you already, Yuzu-kun._ This totally crazy, fiery spirit of yours and your ridiculously big heart. You think you have to be perfect all of the time..? But you are loved for being humane, for being _rea_ l…Each one of those tiny cracks in your ideal façade conquering hearts, showing your sensitivity. _They want to see you the way you are, they want to love you for who you are.”_

Shohei grabbed Yuzuru by the back of his head, making their foreheads touch.

 _“_ And I do too... Will you let me?”      

Yuzuru’s lips tasted salty when Shohei kissed him with desperation. He didn’t need the man he loved having world at his feet, he didn’t need him to be scarily perfect, he didn’t want to see him standing at the very top — ever alone.

He wanted Yuzuru here — in his safe arms, sheltered from the outside world and his own gnawing insecurities.

_“Yes.”_

And right now he had his wish fulfilled.

 

**

* _K_ _akkoii_ (jap.) – ‘cool’.


End file.
